Brusies
by HonorRose
Summary: Holly attempts to give Artemis self defense lessons. Needless to say, it dose not end well. Oneshot. Takes place between OD and TLC. '


Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl.

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**Bruises**

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"You want me to- _what_?" Artemis stared at her, dumbfounded.

"You heard me, mud boy," Holly replied brusquely. "I want to try training you in self-defense. Butler was the one who suggested it actually, and I agreed to give it a go."

Artemis felt betrayed. And he'd thought Butler was his _friend_! He felt as though he'd been left by the roadside to die! He was hurt! Lost! Betrayed-

Holly saw his mournful expression. She gave a gusty sigh, and then rolled her eyes. "Oh, for heaven's sake! Lighten up, Artemis! It's just so that the next time we're being hunted down by a pack of sex-starved trolls, I won't be forced to do all the work!"

"But Holly-" Artemis tried to protest, to reason with her; the very idea of making a fool of himself in front of her for not knowing how to kick-box making him cringe inwardly. But Holly intervened before he could get the words out. "No buts, Fowl. We start tomorrow."

* * *

And so the next day Artemis sat in Fowl Manor's home gym, reflecting on the previous day's conversation while awaiting Holly and his doom. He couldn't believe he was letting her shove him around this way. He was fourteen years old, for crying out loud! And a bloody genius, too! Albeit, a genius who had recently given up his old ways of crime, and who was even _nice _occasionally. But he could still strike terror into the heart of anyone who dared to mess with him, with just his trademark vampire smile. Or at least, he was pretty sure he still could. He hadn't had the opportunity to use said vampire smile for a while. He should have used it on Holly the other day; that would have sorted her out!

Still, she was one of his closest friends. One of his _only_ friends, actually. And little though he liked to admit it, even to himself, it did sort of make him happy to please her. He shuddered at his own thoughts.Lord, he was getting soft!

He was brought back to reality by the sound of Holly's arrival.

"Hey Artemis," Holly was carrying an assortment of weapons, including daggers, throwing knives, several human guns and LEP blasters, and even a couple of Japanese-style sabers, all of witch she drooped onto a nearby table.

Artemis gulped, and took a tentative step closer. "Eh… Holly? What… what _is_ all of this?"

"I thought I told you," replied Holly innocently. "I'm going to be training you in self-defense."

Artemis finally came close enough to the table to examine one of the samurai swords. "You can use these? These- uh, ninja tools?"

Holly laughed. "Hardly," She said. "Obviously Butler would be more ideal for this job, but with the Kevlar in his chest it would be quite a strain for him."

Artemis nodded. "Of course." He was looking nervous again. Holly noticed.

"You won't have to worry about these," she gestured to the piles of dangerous looking tools strewn out on the table before her. "Until later. Today we'll just be introducing the basics. You know, fists and feet."

Artemis very nearly gulped. He had been on the receiving line of Holly's punches all too often.

"Don't worry," Holly added. "I'll heal anything that gets broken."

This was, needless to say, less than reassuring to the boy. But he swallowed his nervousness and said, "Very well Holly. Shall we begin?"

"Certainly." Holly's smile hinted at steel. "Now," she continued. "Here is what is going to happen. I'll throw a few your way- indirectly; of course, I won't be trying to make contact at first- and you try to dodge. If all goes well, we'll move on to the punching bag."

Artemis felt his stomach clench with fear. He looked at Holly, who had both fists raised and she was fighting to conceal an awful smirk. '_She's just loving this._' He thought.

"I won't be telling you when I'm about to strike," said Holly, advancing slowly. "You'll have to learn on your own. Observe. Read the signs. That's what you do best, right?"

And with that she struck. Her fist darted out, too quickly to give Artemis time to comprehend it, and sailed past Artemis' right ear. Before he could think to react, her fist snapped back to her side. The shock made Artemis stumble to the side slightly in a far belated attempt to doge her blow. She didn't give him a chance to recover before her fist sailed out again; this time Artemis could feel the air whistle in his ear, and as he tried to duck away he tripped, and fell backwards, landing on his backside.

Holly couldn't help it; she laughed. He just looked so ridiculously cute that way, with his brow all wrinkled up in confusion, rubbing the back of his neck and scowling.

"Stop that," he mumbled, trying to stand. "Stop that laughing. It really is _not _funny at all. I'm going to have quite a bruise, you know." This only made Holly laugh harder, thinking of where the bruise would be located.

"I thought you said you'd heal anything you broke," Artemis glared at her. She snorted. "No way am I about to heal that skinny mud boy butt of yours!"

Eventually though, the giggles subsided, and she reverted to a more professional mode.

"Ok. Come on mud boy. Get up. We can continue as soon as you get over yourself."

Artemis was on his feet, rubbing his backside.

"No, thank you. I've had quite enough for today." He replied curtly. He then proceeded to stride from the gym with what little dignity he had left. Or, attempt to stride from the gym anyway.

"Oh, no you don't!" Holly caught the back of his suit jacket as he walked past her. Despite Holly's insistence that no one could have a work out properly in a suit, Artemis had been obstinate, and was dressed in the usual three thousand dollar Armani suit. "You are not getting away that easily. I promised Butler!"

"I mean it Holly. I've had enough. Let go."

"No!" Holly was immovable. "I can't believe The Great Artemis Fowl is giving up this easily! Five minutes into your first session and you're already backing out."

"Holly, I truly feel that I have gathered enough evidence from the last few minutes to prove that this little 'session' is endangering my health. I highly doubt that Butler would approve of this if he knew."

"Oh yeah?"

And there was something in Holly's voice that chilled Artemis to the bone…

And before he knew it her foot had connected with his ankle, hard enough to trip him so that he fell again, this time on his back. Next thing he knew, Holly was straddling him, one hand on his chest, the other holding something cold and sharp against his throat.

'_One of the daggers,'_ he thought.

Holly leaned down so that her face was only a few inches from his.

"Are you sure you want to leave?" Her voice was taunting him.

Artemis swallowed, but said nothing. Amazing how frightening this 3-foot-high female elf could be. She may have been small, but she sure was strong. Artemis could feel her legs clamped tight to his sides, her hot breath on his face, her hand griping the front of his shirt so tightly…

On sudden impulse he reached up, too quickly for her to react, and grabbed her by the waist. He flipped her over, and then rolled so that he was on top of her. He grabbed for her wrists, pinning them to the floor on either side of her head. The knife she had held skidded away across the floor.

Artemis smirked triumphantly as Holly struggled against him.

"Who's trying to escape now Holly?"

Holly was astonished. He had somehow switched their positions in just one lithe movement, and she couldn't quite remember how he'd done it. She felt absolutely mortified.

"Get off me," she grunted, trying to move one of her legs from beneath his so that she could give him a good knee in the groin. This was extremely difficult, seeing as she was so tiny in comparison to him, and his weight was making it hard to breath. But it would teach him a lesson!

"No, I don't think I want to, thanks," Artemis was enjoying himself for the first time since this little self-defense class had begun.

"I mean it mud boy, get off of me now or you _will_ regret it, I promise you!"

Artemis was smirking in a very self-satisfied way. "I have an idea. Why don't we take this opportunity to discuss certain distasteful habits of yours? For starters, the way you're always calling me 'mud boy.'"

Holly was still struggling against him. "That's what you are, get over it and _get off!_"

Artemis tutted smugly. "You realize, of course, that this tendency you have to believe yourself better than others may be rooted in a psychological disorder, perhaps even the same disorder that I myself once suffered from, an anti-social personality disorder. It is often found in premature or potential serial killers-"

But at that point in his lecture he was cut off by Holly's finally achieving her goal of dislodging her leg enough to straighten and then snap back, straight into Artemis's crotch.

Artemis groaned loudly, releasing her wrists and rolling away as rolling off and away from her as fast as he could, eager to avoid any future knee-groin contact situations.

Holly leapt to her feet, ready for action. But poor Artemis was in no position for a fight. He was curled up on the gym floor, face screwed up in agony, hands balled into fists. He seemed as though he wasn't sure what to do to make himself feel better.

Holly looked at him. He honestly did look as though he was in pain. She was sorry for him.

Finally the moaning ceased and Artemis lay there, panting. Holly sighed. "Sorry Artemis." She offered a hand to help him up, witch he accepted with caution. "I guess I hit harder than I meant to."

Artemis glared at her. "I mean it this time Holly. I've had enough."

"Artemis, please? Just one more try? You can try hitting me instead of me hitting you!"

"No!" He was immovable. He turned to leave.

"Artemis, if you leave now I will chase you!"

Artemis turned slowly, raising an eyebrow. Holly's knees bent, ready to run.

Their eyes locked.

Neither moved.

Time stretched like a rubber band, being pulled tighter and tighter, until it was about to snap from the tension and go sailing away, broken. ……………….

_Snap._

Artemis whirled and bolted for the door, and a fraction of a second later, Holly was hot on his heels.

Artemis burst through the gym doors, and ran down a portrait-lined corridor, around a bend, down a spiral staircase.

'_How did he get so fast?'_ Holly was wondering this as she was struck with sudden inspiration. She came to a halt as she approached the staircase. She perched herself daintily on the banister and gave herself a push.

This plan happened to come with both ups and downs. The up was that she found herself almost caught up with Artemis as she landed lightly on the floor at the bottom of the staircase. The down was that she was slightly dizzy when she reached the bottom because the spiral staircase had been, well, spiral. It took her a second to regain her bearings before continuing her chase.

Artemis had almost reached his destination. He had formed a sort of half-plan of revenge as he was running, and he knew that the outcome would all depend on what Holly did when he stopped running. Would she knock him out and drag him back up to the gym where she would pummel and bash him to within an inch of his life? He knew that he was about to find out.

He yanked open a sliding glass door and ran out onto Fowl Manor's pool deck. And then, much to Holly's surprise, he stopped short. She nearly crashed into him, but at the last second he stepped out of the way, so that she skidded to a halt over the wooden planks just at the edge of the pool.

The pool itself was a large, Olympic-sized deal, surrounded by a wooden wrap-around deck and many plastic lounging chairs. On their side of the pool there were two diving boards, one high, one low. The lavender-blue twilight sky was reflected in the water, making it dark, and a little creepy looking.

A rubber mat squeaked beneath Holly's feet as she turned to look at Artemis. He was looking back. And with a suspiciously pleased smirk on his face. He was panting, but looked very pleased with himself. Holly wasn't sure why, though. Yet.

"Well," Artemis panted, "It seems as though I finally have a chance to repay you for that completely undeserved bout of humiliation."

"What do you mean?" Holly asked cautiously, not entirely sure she wanted to know.

Artemis smiled and winked at her in an almost-friendly way.

"All in good time." And with that he turned and began walking back to the sliding door that led back into Fowl Manor.

"Now you wait just a seco-" She began as he walked past her, but her threat ended in a screech as the pool mat she had been standing on slipped, or rather, was yanked from beneath her feet, sending her toppling backwards into the pool.

"_Fowl!" _She spluttered angrily, wiping the chemical water from her face. Once she had cleared her eyes and ears she could see and hear that he was laughing. Laughing! At her! Stupid, arrogant, impudent mud boy! She didn't care how immature she was being, (he had started it, after all) she would show him!

Artemis was standing only a couple of feet from her, having come back to the edge of the pool, if only to gloat. Little did he realize that, at that moment, this was to her advantage. As was mentioned before, Holly was tiny, but strong and quick.

She reached out and seized Artemis's ankle and tugged hard enough to make him lose his balance and topple into the pool on top of her, witch was something she had not considered. She was forced back under water as he came crashing into her, head-on.

Now, small and slight Artemis may have been, but not so much so that he couldn't cause a splash big enough to drown out Holly's squeal as her head was forced back under water, and to send gallons of pool water sloshing back up onto the deck.

The pair became tangled up together under the water, both fighting to emerge first. It didn't help that they were at the deep end of the pool, (12 feet) and they could find no foot holds, nor anything to grasp at save for each other.

Finally, Holly won out. She broke the surface, a thousand swears on her lips. Artemis came quickly after, gasping and spluttering with disbelief. Holly could make out fragments of outraged words and sentences.

"How- dare! I'll- Butler- _kill you!_"

"We'll se about that!" Holly began an easy and graceful breaststroke towards the edge of the pool. Artemis followed after her with a clumsy dog paddle. As he swam, he spoke.

"My suit! Just look what you've done!"

Holly rolled her eyes. "I warned you, didn't I? I told you about the dangers of working out in Armani. It's your own fault."

"My fault? _MY_ fault?" He had finally reached the edge of the pool and was trying to host himself up and out of the water the same way that Holly had, but this was proving most difficult while dragging around about 10 extra pounds of sodden- not to mention permanently damaged- Armani suit.

"Damn," He muttered.

"Excuse me? Did Artemis Fowl just swear?"

"No!" he said vehemently, and also somewhat childishly.

Holly decided to let it fly. Just this once. She offered him a hand. Of course, it would have been much more entertaining to watch him struggle, but she decided that he had been tortured enough for one night. But Artemis only eyed her hand suspiciously. Holly, seeing this, made suggestion.

"If you don't want my help, you could swim for the latter." She gestured towards the latter, witch was located at the opposite end of the pool, over 40 feet away. Artemis sighed forlornly and took her hand.

* * *

By the time they were back inside, Butler heard the screams and splashes, and had come to investigate. He took one look, and gained an expression of simultaneous understanding, pity, and amusement at the fixed glares on there faces, their soaked clothing, and the many bruises forming on faces and bodies.

Or, on Artemis's face and body, anyway.

"So," Butler said pleasantly, raising his eyebrows, "How did it go?"

**THE END**

A/N: Well, here it is. My first fic--- finally! I know that Arty and Holly probably seem sort of OOC, and I will try harder in the future, I promise. This is just a sort of quick fic I decided to write on the spur of the moment after a couple of my friends and I acted out the pool scenario used in this fic, so it's a bit sloppy. Anyway--- I'm working on a much longer fic with an actual plot that I hope will be finished soon. Thanks for reading this, and please R&R!

RiverWren


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